My God Enjoys Masturbation

1 Corinthians 6:18 New International Version (NIV)

(18) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Awesome! So I got that going for me.

The subject of masturbation is the cause of much concern and confusion among Christians, being taught that masturbation is sinful or wrong, and most believe that the Bible actually forbids masturbation. POPPYCOCK! The latter is simply untrue; masturbation is not even mentioned in the Bible. And when we consider the facts, it becomes clear that masturbation should not be considered a sin, but more of a blessing from their God that enables them to fully enjoy their bodies and can help lead them to a more healthy spiritual life.    

But of course Christianity drops the ball on this as well.

Some people say that they feel guilty, shameful, or dirty after they masturbate, and so they conclude that masturbation must be a sin. This is just because most have been taught by ignorant fucking “misguided” religious authorities, that our bodies are bad and anything relating to physical pleasure is sinful. That seems to be a pattern in religion. If it is pleasurable, we cant have that now.

But I see where the confusion lies.

The Scripture tells us that our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, and that everything that we do should glorify the Lord. So, while masturbating not to be considered a sin, we must think about, envision, imagine, hallucinate, visualize and fantasize about The Lord! . 

Masturbation is a gift that we should not abuse. This means we should not masturbate to excess, or to the point where we injure ourselves. If you are masturbating until you are exhausted, or until your genitals are raw or bleeding, this is excessive, harmful, and probably not what your God intended. 

If you masturbate compulsively to the point that it interferes with your work or if you masturbate AT work, this can pose a problem. If you masturbate while indulging in impure thoughts (fantasizing about your neighbor’s grandmother or almost teen aged daughter for example) you might have some issues. 

So get on your knees and thank God for the Blessing of Masturbation.

If you truly believe that God made our bodies, and you think your body is dirty and shameful, you are a hypocrite and are shunning God’s divine creation. And if you masturbate - jerk off, flog the dog, buff the bishop, choke the chicken, plink the twanger, slam the salami or rub one out - with shame and feelings of sinfulness, YOU  are besmirching your God’s blessing. 

Instead, we should celebrate our bodies and our sexual nature, and rejoice in the pleasure and satisfaction that they can bring us through masturbation. Therefore, every time you masturbate, say a prayer of gratitude, thanking the Lord for our bodies, for sexual pleasure, and for masturbation as a means of experiencing the toe curling bliss of orgasm. 

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