Woman Hush

Our sermon today comes from our buddy Timmy

1 Timothy 2:12
“But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness.”

 The old "Go forth and maketh me a sammitch" word of God. This is one of my favorites.

SHUT THE FUCK UP WOMAN! I AM MAN AND THERE IS A DAMN GOOD REASON YOU MAKING 75 cents FOR EVERY DOLLAR I MAKE!

And you have the nerve to ask yourself why women have been and still are treated like shit compared to their male counterparts.

Don’t worry Im not going to go all Feminazi on you but with this kind of bullshit being drummed into our heads like this, there is no fucking wonder. To get their morals from a fucking book that accepts murder, rape and slavery and that its perfectly fine to treat women as second class citizens.

Its perfectly fine to try to wipe out other crazy people simply because they dont believe the same

crazy shit as I do. Yeah...PERFECTLY FINE. Oh and lets not for get incest. I can overlook the talking snakes, rib women and zombie messiahs but looking at the big picture...looking at religion and Christianity...in its entirety...or what it is...???

Perfectly Fine. Nothing to see here. Move along and worship me. Just ignore everything but give me my cut. You cant get into my special place if you dont give me your money.
Such utter fucking nonsense. I swear, I have no idea how ANYONE can set foot in a place that is all about such garbage.

Christians judge people all the time and I dont even think they realize it being trapped in their own little fantasies. Their curses to have us "burn in hell" in and of itself is the single most judgmental thing that can bet uttered and there isnt a day that passes without a good Christian soldier saying that to me.

Imposing their beliefs on others and (what I fucking cant stand) the ringing of doorbells is judgmental in the regards that they think I give a shit about their fantasies and I always let them know in no uncertain terms that I AM REVEREND ZESTY! The one and only original Atheist minister.

They tell me they will pray for me. I tell them thats fan-fucking-tastic, I'll think for them.

You see, the message I preach from my pulpit is quite opposite from what you hear when you walk into any church regardless of denomination. Traditionally, churches teach slavery. My church, Provenance Ministries teaches self reliance. To be the absolute best you can be. To live life to its fullest and lift up your fellow primate to levels of prosperity. We dont pass around the collection plate, we request needs.

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Judge Not Ye Fuckers, Lest Ye Be Judged

LOL! This title reminded me "Talk Like A Pirate Day" is coming up quickly - September 19th - so mark your calendars. It falls on a Saturday this year.

Our sermon today comes from the book of Matthew

Matthew 7:5 

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Another bit of irony from the book of jokes called The Holy Bible. If not anything else this book IS entertaining. I especially enjoy the way humor is interwoven with murder, rape, slavery and other recreational activities.

Have you ever read the fucking thing? I realize most people have not, ESPECIALLY Christians, they get caught up on just certain phrases and passages that fit in best with their lifestyle and ignore the rest.

So let's take a look at some examples of non-judging Christians, shall we? Hmmmmmm....???

Couple of things that come to mind without even doing any research are Christians saying "you will burn in hell". Fuck I hear THAT one all the time because of something I have said or done the offended their overly sensitive, thin skinned, tight assed feelings.

Or what about those fun loving folks from The Westboro Baptist Church? They seem like a tolerant bunch of Christs followers.

But then a Christian will respond to these two examples given with "Oh well they're not REALLY

Christians" AGAIN showing their common Christian love and TOTALLY IGNORING what supposed Christ has said in The Bible. (You can tell when Christ was speaking because the author wrote those parts with a red tipped quill hundreds or years after Jesus uttered them)

But that's all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Christians not following their faith unless it suits them. We've known for a long time: Christians will distort the Bible to say whatever they want it to say. They project their personal beliefs onto the Bible, not draw those beliefs from it. They’re happy to take passages out of context when it suits their needs and ignore them when it doesn't. This is a common practice used by politicians, clergy and the common everyday peasant.

It seems like Christianity’s mostly about being judgmental, narrow-minded, and having an infuriatingly condescending attitude toward anyone who isn’t a Christian.

So yeah all you Christian hypocrites can all just go fist fuck yourselves!!

Get out of my life, stop telling me how to live my life and most of all STOP RINGING MY FUCKING DOORBELL! You are a waste of space on this earth and I've had enough of your judgmental asshole cunt shit fuck attitudes!

And you all tell me that you will pray for me. Thanks. That's great since I have to think for you. Not really an even trade but if it keeps your silly delusions away from me, I'll take it.

Judgmental Hypocritical. Superiority complex. Schizophrenic. Just plain out of their mind nuts.

You can pity them. You can mock them. Personally I find them entertaining. I DO however will fight them tooth and nail when they try to shove their beliefs at me like some perv chasing a child with his flacid penis hanging out of his pants. So be warned...I am no child. I am someone that actually has read your Bible. From cover to cover. It's quite enlightening. It's the reason I became an Atheist.

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Until we meet again!

I Hate Christians...Here's Why

Not a day goes by where I’m not asked by a Christian, “What happened to you to make you hate God so much? Why are you so angry at Christians?” 

So let me just answer this question once and for all, and the next time anyone asks, I can just forward them to this blog entry.

In order to make it so the mind of a Christian can easily understand, I will have to explain it in the form of a story. I wish I could explain this in a better way, but because the minds of Christians have been conditioned from birth to understand things that are put in story form, it’s the most efficient way to explain this to you.

So here goes:

Once upon a time, there was a vast country called Americhrist. Now, it just so happened, that every single person in the entire country of Americhrist was born retarded. It was from no fault of their own as they are born into retardation. Every single man, woman, and child all completely, mentally retarded.

Welcome to Americhrist

They couldn’t help being retards any more than  someone who was born left handed could help it.

Retardation was just normal.

Then, suddenly, one day in the land of Americhrist,  about 15% of all the babies began to be born non-retarded.  15% were born with what you and I would call a “normal” level of intelligence .

Now imagine the 15% of babies who were born non-retarded growing up in a society where 85% of the people are mentally retarded. The non-retarded people, obviously, are smart enough to realize that the other 85% of the people around them are totally mentally retarded.

And, while you’re imagining, imagine what a world which is run by the 85% retards would look like. It would be polluted and violent and have arbitrary laws that are, in a word, retarded. It would be full of grown-ups who believe in fairy tales, and who are willing to kill anyone who disagrees that these fairy tales are true.

Now, imagine that the 15% non-retarded people found a cure for mental retardation. They could finally improve the future of all of humanity greatly by curing the mental retardation of the other 85%.

Only thing is, the 85% retarded people enjoy being retarded. They enjoy it very much. Ignorance is total bliss, and it doesn’t matter that they cage more of their fellow man in prison than any other country on earth; they don’t care that they are involved in wars that kill hundreds of thousands of strangers; and they don’t even care that they are killing their host planet.

Being retarded is really fun and easy. Thinking is hard, and the retarded majority of Americhrist will fight tooth and nail to keep from being cured.

Now, imagine you were in that 15% who were not retarded. Wouldn’t you be angry? Wouldn’t you scream and cuss at the stupid retards?

Wouldn’t you yell, “You fools, can’t you see how primitive you are? Can’t you see how violent and stupid you are? Can’t you see what you are doing to your host planet? What is wrong with you?”

But the retarded people won’t listen. They cannot grasp these concepts. They just want you to shut your stupid mouth so they can keep on playing in their fantasy world.

This is why I’m angry and frustrated. I know it’s not your fault. You can’t help that you are retarded, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating for those of us who are not.

Americhrist is not just a make believe place.

Leave your comments!

God Is A Pot Head

Revelation 22:1-2Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb ² down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

Happy Monday Rev Heads. Today we will learn that Marijuana is a gift from God himself (if he was to actually exist that is) The evidence is all around and can be seen by those who are not blind. WELCOME my friends to a world where a person, man or woman, can enjoy the recreation and healing benefits of the tree of life.

Anyone that smokes marijuana knows exactly what Im talking about. If not take a bong rip and see if you get any closer. It makes perfect sense why it finds itself on the wrong end of the laws of this backwards ass world. 

What does the Bible say about marijuana? 

The Bible says that God created hemp for people to use "as meat," (ie, to consume), that its seed oil is to be used as an ointment, and that cannabis is "to be received with thanks-giving of them which believe and know the truth." Paul also warned that some people would "speak lies in hypocrisy" and prohibit us from using it.

God said, "Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to everything that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so." And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Gen. 1:29-31)

It also says that we "shall not bear false witness" about people who use cannabis, nor judge them because that judgement is reserved to the Lord. The Lord hates those who speak lies and sow discord among brethern. For those people harrassed and imprisoned for using cannabis rightfuly, Jesus offers these words of comfort, "Blessed are those persecuted for righteousness's sake: For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

So in conclusion I say go forth in the world today enjoying your God's work and get high. Get wasted. Do not besmirtch the wishes of your God.

Im doing my part. You should too.

I am 4:20 friendly and welcome like minded individuals into the fold. The world would be a much nicer place if they just lightened up and just light up. Leave a comment but first check out the latest in Vaping technology and help support the ministry.