Woman Hush

Our sermon today comes from our buddy Timmy

1 Timothy 2:12
“But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness.”

 The old "Go forth and maketh me a sammitch" word of God. This is one of my favorites.

SHUT THE FUCK UP WOMAN! I AM MAN AND THERE IS A DAMN GOOD REASON YOU MAKING 75 cents FOR EVERY DOLLAR I MAKE!

And you have the nerve to ask yourself why women have been and still are treated like shit compared to their male counterparts.

Don’t worry Im not going to go all Feminazi on you but with this kind of bullshit being drummed into our heads like this, there is no fucking wonder. To get their morals from a fucking book that accepts murder, rape and slavery and that its perfectly fine to treat women as second class citizens.

Its perfectly fine to try to wipe out other crazy people simply because they dont believe the same

crazy shit as I do. Yeah...PERFECTLY FINE. Oh and lets not for get incest. I can overlook the talking snakes, rib women and zombie messiahs but looking at the big picture...looking at religion and Christianity...in its entirety...or what it is...???

Perfectly Fine. Nothing to see here. Move along and worship me. Just ignore everything but give me my cut. You cant get into my special place if you dont give me your money.
Such utter fucking nonsense. I swear, I have no idea how ANYONE can set foot in a place that is all about such garbage.

Christians judge people all the time and I dont even think they realize it being trapped in their own little fantasies. Their curses to have us "burn in hell" in and of itself is the single most judgmental thing that can bet uttered and there isnt a day that passes without a good Christian soldier saying that to me.

Imposing their beliefs on others and (what I fucking cant stand) the ringing of doorbells is judgmental in the regards that they think I give a shit about their fantasies and I always let them know in no uncertain terms that I AM REVEREND ZESTY! The one and only original Atheist minister.

They tell me they will pray for me. I tell them thats fan-fucking-tastic, I'll think for them.

You see, the message I preach from my pulpit is quite opposite from what you hear when you walk into any church regardless of denomination. Traditionally, churches teach slavery. My church, Provenance Ministries teaches self reliance. To be the absolute best you can be. To live life to its fullest and lift up your fellow primate to levels of prosperity. We dont pass around the collection plate, we request needs.

Leave me your comments and AS ALWAYS show your love and support by checking out the sponsor below.

Judge Not Ye Fuckers, Lest Ye Be Judged

LOL! This title reminded me "Talk Like A Pirate Day" is coming up quickly - September 19th - so mark your calendars. It falls on a Saturday this year.

Our sermon today comes from the book of Matthew

Matthew 7:5 

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Another bit of irony from the book of jokes called The Holy Bible. If not anything else this book IS entertaining. I especially enjoy the way humor is interwoven with murder, rape, slavery and other recreational activities.

Have you ever read the fucking thing? I realize most people have not, ESPECIALLY Christians, they get caught up on just certain phrases and passages that fit in best with their lifestyle and ignore the rest.

So let's take a look at some examples of non-judging Christians, shall we? Hmmmmmm....???

Couple of things that come to mind without even doing any research are Christians saying "you will burn in hell". Fuck I hear THAT one all the time because of something I have said or done the offended their overly sensitive, thin skinned, tight assed feelings.

Or what about those fun loving folks from The Westboro Baptist Church? They seem like a tolerant bunch of Christs followers.

But then a Christian will respond to these two examples given with "Oh well they're not REALLY

Christians" AGAIN showing their common Christian love and TOTALLY IGNORING what supposed Christ has said in The Bible. (You can tell when Christ was speaking because the author wrote those parts with a red tipped quill hundreds or years after Jesus uttered them)

But that's all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Christians not following their faith unless it suits them. We've known for a long time: Christians will distort the Bible to say whatever they want it to say. They project their personal beliefs onto the Bible, not draw those beliefs from it. They’re happy to take passages out of context when it suits their needs and ignore them when it doesn't. This is a common practice used by politicians, clergy and the common everyday peasant.

It seems like Christianity’s mostly about being judgmental, narrow-minded, and having an infuriatingly condescending attitude toward anyone who isn’t a Christian.

So yeah all you Christian hypocrites can all just go fist fuck yourselves!!

Get out of my life, stop telling me how to live my life and most of all STOP RINGING MY FUCKING DOORBELL! You are a waste of space on this earth and I've had enough of your judgmental asshole cunt shit fuck attitudes!

And you all tell me that you will pray for me. Thanks. That's great since I have to think for you. Not really an even trade but if it keeps your silly delusions away from me, I'll take it.

Judgmental Hypocritical. Superiority complex. Schizophrenic. Just plain out of their mind nuts.

You can pity them. You can mock them. Personally I find them entertaining. I DO however will fight them tooth and nail when they try to shove their beliefs at me like some perv chasing a child with his flacid penis hanging out of his pants. So be warned...I am no child. I am someone that actually has read your Bible. From cover to cover. It's quite enlightening. It's the reason I became an Atheist.

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Until we meet again!

I Hate Christians...Here's Why

Not a day goes by where I’m not asked by a Christian, “What happened to you to make you hate God so much? Why are you so angry at Christians?” 

So let me just answer this question once and for all, and the next time anyone asks, I can just forward them to this blog entry.

In order to make it so the mind of a Christian can easily understand, I will have to explain it in the form of a story. I wish I could explain this in a better way, but because the minds of Christians have been conditioned from birth to understand things that are put in story form, it’s the most efficient way to explain this to you.

So here goes:

Once upon a time, there was a vast country called Americhrist. Now, it just so happened, that every single person in the entire country of Americhrist was born retarded. It was from no fault of their own as they are born into retardation. Every single man, woman, and child all completely, mentally retarded.

Welcome to Americhrist

They couldn’t help being retards any more than  someone who was born left handed could help it.

Retardation was just normal.

Then, suddenly, one day in the land of Americhrist,  about 15% of all the babies began to be born non-retarded.  15% were born with what you and I would call a “normal” level of intelligence .

Now imagine the 15% of babies who were born non-retarded growing up in a society where 85% of the people are mentally retarded. The non-retarded people, obviously, are smart enough to realize that the other 85% of the people around them are totally mentally retarded.

And, while you’re imagining, imagine what a world which is run by the 85% retards would look like. It would be polluted and violent and have arbitrary laws that are, in a word, retarded. It would be full of grown-ups who believe in fairy tales, and who are willing to kill anyone who disagrees that these fairy tales are true.

Now, imagine that the 15% non-retarded people found a cure for mental retardation. They could finally improve the future of all of humanity greatly by curing the mental retardation of the other 85%.

Only thing is, the 85% retarded people enjoy being retarded. They enjoy it very much. Ignorance is total bliss, and it doesn’t matter that they cage more of their fellow man in prison than any other country on earth; they don’t care that they are involved in wars that kill hundreds of thousands of strangers; and they don’t even care that they are killing their host planet.

Being retarded is really fun and easy. Thinking is hard, and the retarded majority of Americhrist will fight tooth and nail to keep from being cured.

Now, imagine you were in that 15% who were not retarded. Wouldn’t you be angry? Wouldn’t you scream and cuss at the stupid retards?

Wouldn’t you yell, “You fools, can’t you see how primitive you are? Can’t you see how violent and stupid you are? Can’t you see what you are doing to your host planet? What is wrong with you?”

But the retarded people won’t listen. They cannot grasp these concepts. They just want you to shut your stupid mouth so they can keep on playing in their fantasy world.

This is why I’m angry and frustrated. I know it’s not your fault. You can’t help that you are retarded, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating for those of us who are not.

Americhrist is not just a make believe place.

Leave your comments!

God Is A Pot Head

Revelation 22:1-2Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb ² down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

Happy Monday Rev Heads. Today we will learn that Marijuana is a gift from God himself (if he was to actually exist that is) The evidence is all around and can be seen by those who are not blind. WELCOME my friends to a world where a person, man or woman, can enjoy the recreation and healing benefits of the tree of life.

Anyone that smokes marijuana knows exactly what Im talking about. If not take a bong rip and see if you get any closer. It makes perfect sense why it finds itself on the wrong end of the laws of this backwards ass world. 

What does the Bible say about marijuana? 

The Bible says that God created hemp for people to use "as meat," (ie, to consume), that its seed oil is to be used as an ointment, and that cannabis is "to be received with thanks-giving of them which believe and know the truth." Paul also warned that some people would "speak lies in hypocrisy" and prohibit us from using it.

God said, "Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to everything that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so." And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Gen. 1:29-31)

It also says that we "shall not bear false witness" about people who use cannabis, nor judge them because that judgement is reserved to the Lord. The Lord hates those who speak lies and sow discord among brethern. For those people harrassed and imprisoned for using cannabis rightfuly, Jesus offers these words of comfort, "Blessed are those persecuted for righteousness's sake: For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

So in conclusion I say go forth in the world today enjoying your God's work and get high. Get wasted. Do not besmirtch the wishes of your God.

Im doing my part. You should too.

I am 4:20 friendly and welcome like minded individuals into the fold. The world would be a much nicer place if they just lightened up and just light up. Leave a comment but first check out the latest in Vaping technology and help support the ministry.

Killing In The Name Of _____________!

Muslims beheading people and flying planes into buildings, ISIS, Al Queda, The Talliban and whatever else they are calling themselves have Christians whining about religious persecution again and again but turn a blind eye to their own acts of terror committed against people of other religious beliefs. Im not just talking about The Crusades as Obama mentioned last month at a prayer breakfast, Im talking about horrific acts perpetrate against the world throughout history up until this year.

Of course our government controlled media would NEVER tell these tales of brutality. They want you to believe Christians are a peaceful people. (Sound familiar? Muslims want people to believe that about them as well)

But it makes perfect sense when you see a Christian symbol of love being a man nailed to two pieces of wood. A man that was (as the story goes) tortured and beaten and left to die along with other God fearing nut cases hung from a cross.

Such a loving God to allow this. Such a loving God to CREATE this.

FROM THE DAILY BEAST:

The anti-Muslim militias in the Central African Republic may not get the same attention as ISIS, but let’s not forget that people are still doing awful things in the name of Christianity. “There are still nine Christians here. We will capture them. We will kill them. When we finish here, we will go to the next village and kill the Christians there, too.”

If an ISIS leader made a statement like this publicly, Fox News would probably cut into their

programming bring you a special report about the Muslims’ “religious war” against Christians. Mainstream media outlets would most likely cover it as well.

But that statement was indeed uttered in 2014. Except there was one simple word difference: “Christian” was replaced with “Muslim.” That is exactly what a Christian terrorist said about his militia’s plan to exterminate the remaining nine Muslims in a village in Central Africa Republic (CAR). But, of course, stuff like that doesn’t really make news here in America.

Or did you hear about the Christian militant who publicly beheaded a Muslim man in the streets of the CAR capital last year?  That was actually covered by the U.S. media—in a short Associated Press paragraph buried in papers like the New York Times. (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/30/world/africa/muslim-man-is-beheaded-in-central-african-republic.html?_r=1 )

Anyone doubt that if a Muslim terrorist beheaded a Christian man in the public square it would have made the U.S. news?

Any cable news channels cover in depth the Christian marauders in CAR that are–as we speak–ethnically cleansing tens of thousnads of the minority Muslim population there? These Christian militants  “stage brutal attacks...wielding machetes” and have “burned and looted…houses and mosques."  True, this is part of a civil war, but these violent acts are still carried out by militants who publicly self-identify as Christian fighters. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/africa/tens-of-thousands-of-muslims-flee-christian-militias-in-central-african-republic/2014/02/07/5a1adbb2-9032-11e3-84e1-27626c5ef5fb_) story.html


This is just the tip of the iceberg of Christians committing acts of terrorism.

But Christians ignore these heinous acts of violence and sit around in prayer circles, loading their guns and awaiting the next doomsday prophecy. Surely religion will be the death knoll to the world and if it isnt abolished or people realizing what a violent load of bullshit it truly is it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Leave your comments below.

False Prophets - REAL Profits

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
- Matthew 7:15

Wise words from "Matthew."

How ironic to find them in the Christian Bible, a book filled with lies, myth's and half truths.

Let us take a look at what this religion produces in the guise of "God's love" shall we.

One can go on and on about the charlatans using religion for their own, personal gains but for the sake of brevity, lets focus on The Evangelists. Let's even pinpoint our focus more on The Top 2 TV Preachers That Have NO CLUE About The God Of Their Bible.

Pat Robertson

A self proclaimed faith healer, who sired a child out of wedlock, that refers to those that dont buy into his bullshit as "termites" and believes he has the power to re-route hurricanes and control things he has no business controlling and he is host of TV's 700 Club.

He preys upon the minds of poor people and gives false hope to those sick and infirm. He has run for president and was trounced in the primaries. His "ministry" rakes in MILLIONS of dollars every year and is the single most biggest charlatan and fraud the world has ever seen. It is in my experience and opinion that his kind should be jailed in the darkest dungeon and simply forgot about until the bugs eat him down to the bone.
has no business controlling and he is host of TV's 700 Club.


Pat Robertson is a Charismatic, caught up in fake healing, New Age, and Lordship Salvation. A book could be written exposing the evils of Pat Robertson's works of darkness, visible and not so visible. These charlatans are out to make a buck, plain and simple. 

For more information on the type of useless garbage Pat Robertson is, investigate his "Operation Blessing' then view the documentary Mission Congo.

Joel Osteen

Joel Scott Osteen (born March 5, 1963) is an American author, televangelist, and the senior pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. His ministry reaches over seven million broadcast media viewers weekly in over 100 nations around the world.

You have probably seen his smiling face on your television.  It's hard to miss.  Big shiny forehead, gleaming eyes, perfect hair, pronounced jaw, fake smile, and irresistible feel-good Christian message.

But there is a problem. Joel Osteen is a charlatan, a fraud, and a liar.  Men like him have been preaching to widows and desperate people for centuries, it's not a new game.  He is not Christian; in fact, he is Jewish!  And his real name is Joel Alhadef.

His Lakewood Church takes in approximately $600,000 just from one weekly sermon and doesn't include any money he makes from merchandising his books and other garbage he sells to his flock. His personal wealth is estimated around $40 MILLION and being a pastor and a church pays ZERO taxes.

Now I realize that people think that everyone's beliefs should be respected, but I disagree. Peoples beliefs should be acknowledged and nothing more. I will never respect anyone's belief that contributes to retarding society and the downfall of civilization.

The human propensity to believe the improbable keeps church doors open. It is also the reason that confidence tricksters live well. Prophets are merely con men who specialize in the spiritual. It is sick that their victims are the people that made the obscenely rich.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Reverend Zesty Goes LIVE! Tonight

Oh HELL YEAH!

Tonight Reverend Zesty hits the Blogtalk Radio Network to reveal some MAJOR BREAKING NEWS regarding His pet project, Intellectual Coitus.

Killing In The Name Of...

So in my travels around the internet looking for inspiration and material for this blog, the podcast and my video's I came across this news story from the end of 2014 where Islamic terrorist group ISIS beheaded 4 Christian children for not denouncing Jesus and accepting Mohammad as their fictional deity du jour.

Now granted the news story comes from Fox and is to be taken with a grain of salt but the reporter said that he cannot fathom the violence perpetrated against humanity, so I figured I would help him out with a quick history lesson about Christianity. Specifically The Crusades and The Salem With Trials.

The Crusades took place from 1095 to 1291 and were the single most violent part of world

history setting the tone for every war since. The Crusades are considered by many to be one of the “sins” the Christian Faith has committed against humanity and with the Inquisition, paints a picture of Christians as not being the religion of peace they claim to be. Out of this delightful period of history, creative Christians have given us such wonderful things as the anal pear and the breast ripper, just to name a few of their perverse torture devices. Throughout history, the world has witnessed Christian abuse of children including child rape and molestation that STILL happens to this day. These vile acts reveal the true nature of the Christian faith and the effects their God has upon its followers.

Also, dont forget that the Ku Klux Klan is a Christian based terrorist group. Dont forget that Adolph Hitler was a Catholic. Dont forget all the abortion clinic bombings that go on to this day.

I can go on and on exposing Christian hypocrisy about this subject but I dont want to overwhelm the Christian mind with things like facts and history. Truth is, YOUR religion and beliefs are not that contrary to those that behead children for not rejecting Jesus.

Leave a comment and get some Superbowl stuff!

God Is Evil

From:The Evil Blogger

I am frustrated at two specific verses in the bible, which applies to this particular topic.  The first is the biblical statement that “God is the Alpha and the Omega”.  Loosely defined it means the beginning and the end, the all knowing.  Which of course implies that all of his actions and the results are fore known to him.  I have a real problem with this notion.  

For if God was to know ahead of time that someday he would send me to hell for being an Atheist, I ask what was the purpose in him creating me in the first place?  Was it simply to watch me be tortured?  That seems to be the most logical explanation.  I can think of no other rational explanation, nor neither has any Christian who I posed this question to.  Some people have attempted to tell me that God has a purpose unknown to us, and that we must simply accept his will.  Would you keep a friend who commits evil and offers no self-justification or remorse?  Of course not, so why is this same judgment not applied to God?  It’s seems rather contradictory that this trait is despised in humanity, yet, it is worshiped in religion.

Secondly, I want to reinforce the fact that God is indeed the creator of evil.  Please read verse Isaiah 45:7.  “I form the light and create darkness.  I make peace and create evil.  I the lord do all these things”.  The Christian God outright claims that he is indeed the source of evil.  So how can he then claim to be sinless?

To be more specific, let’s talk about the lord’s creation of evil, let’s talk about the conception of Satan.  This being was created and unleashed by God.  Jehovah knew (for he is the all knowing) that at the time of Lucifer’s creation he would eventually become Satan, and spend his existence reeking havoc on man kind.  Leading people into criminal activities.  Suppose I were to build an evil robot, that I knew would go around torturing and murdering people.  Whose fault would it be if I let it loose?  Mine or the robot’s?  Of course it would be mine, for I created it with that purpose and unleashed it for that purpose.  Now I ask you, whose fault is deviltry in the world?  Is it the PUPPET Satan or the being that deliberately created Satan’s evil?

Now God Plays Switch-A-Roo And Humans Are The Creators Of Evil Not only does the bible imply, but so do many Christians, that we as a people are the creator of evil.  It is clear for reading the bible that this is untrue, but the speculation still remains.  Supposedly, when Adam and Eve fell from grace, they single handedly brought evil into the world.  All you have to do is think logically for a moment, and you will obviously see something is very unjust with this concept.  Could any rational being hold a starving infant in Ethiopia responsible for the actions of two long dead people?  Or perhaps, would you find it fair to be convicted of Jack the Ripper’s crimes?  The connection in both of these instances are not only ludicrous but, disgusting to nod your head at.  People who use this argument are simply attempting to rationalize sadism.

I must declare that a Christian that walks into a children’s ward and insists that it is correct that children suffer as a result of the original sin, must destroy themselves of all compassion and mercy.  I insist that those who worship the lord knowing this hypocrisy must be as cruel as the Christian God he/she believes in.  A complete and utter moral degenerate, taking stabs at protecting their belief system.  A person as such would just as easily worship Satan as God in their blindness and faith.  For apparently, no amount of evidence could convince him that God was bad once they decided to worship him; their basic assumption is that they are correct, which makes them untouchable by any amount of rationality.

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My God Enjoys Masturbation

1 Corinthians 6:18 New International Version (NIV)

(18) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Awesome! So I got that going for me.

The subject of masturbation is the cause of much concern and confusion among Christians, being taught that masturbation is sinful or wrong, and most believe that the Bible actually forbids masturbation. POPPYCOCK! The latter is simply untrue; masturbation is not even mentioned in the Bible. And when we consider the facts, it becomes clear that masturbation should not be considered a sin, but more of a blessing from their God that enables them to fully enjoy their bodies and can help lead them to a more healthy spiritual life.    

But of course Christianity drops the ball on this as well.

Some people say that they feel guilty, shameful, or dirty after they masturbate, and so they conclude that masturbation must be a sin. This is just because most have been taught by ignorant fucking “misguided” religious authorities, that our bodies are bad and anything relating to physical pleasure is sinful. That seems to be a pattern in religion. If it is pleasurable, we cant have that now.

But I see where the confusion lies.

The Scripture tells us that our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, and that everything that we do should glorify the Lord. So, while masturbating not to be considered a sin, we must think about, envision, imagine, hallucinate, visualize and fantasize about The Lord! . 

Masturbation is a gift that we should not abuse. This means we should not masturbate to excess, or to the point where we injure ourselves. If you are masturbating until you are exhausted, or until your genitals are raw or bleeding, this is excessive, harmful, and probably not what your God intended. 

If you masturbate compulsively to the point that it interferes with your work or if you masturbate AT work, this can pose a problem. If you masturbate while indulging in impure thoughts (fantasizing about your neighbor’s grandmother or almost teen aged daughter for example) you might have some issues. 

So get on your knees and thank God for the Blessing of Masturbation.

If you truly believe that God made our bodies, and you think your body is dirty and shameful, you are a hypocrite and are shunning God’s divine creation. And if you masturbate - jerk off, flog the dog, buff the bishop, choke the chicken, plink the twanger, slam the salami or rub one out - with shame and feelings of sinfulness, YOU  are besmirching your God’s blessing. 

Instead, we should celebrate our bodies and our sexual nature, and rejoice in the pleasure and satisfaction that they can bring us through masturbation. Therefore, every time you masturbate, say a prayer of gratitude, thanking the Lord for our bodies, for sexual pleasure, and for masturbation as a means of experiencing the toe curling bliss of orgasm. 

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Debunking Atheism

Food For Thought

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Its The End Of The World

Joel 2:31 - "The sun will be turned into darkness And the moon into blood Before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes."

Doomsday prophets have been predicting the end times, end of the world nonsense for centuries, and so far they have all been wrong. Crazy mother fuckers spend their entire lives looking forward to when it all ends. Not just for them but for everyone. This is the problem with religion. They always want to drag people down into their depths of batshit crazy insanity.

This year is no fucking different and in their usual form, Christians are NOT disappointing us.

The “blood moon” is largely considered a rare natural phenomenon scientifically explained as a

version of the total lunar eclipse. But of course, Christians believe in the words of superstitious fucking farmers and see the four-part cycle of a reddish moon that occurred two times in April and October in 2014 with two more expected in 2015 as a divine sign that the world is coming to an end, at least by next September.  

So the countdown clock starts again with crazy mother fuckers anxiously awaiting for the day that signifies an end to the world. A day that will come and go without event as they have come and gone without event countless times in the past.

So apparently we have the next eight months to endure this crazy bullshit, as they will have to endure our mocking and laughing finger points at them.

The stupidity hurts. Leave me your comments and have a beer!

Prosperity Gospels Debunked - An Ongoing Project

 John 10:10 — “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

The signature verse of the prosperity gospel, John 10:10 is used to suggest that God loves his followers and wants them to have every good thing. But interpreting this verse to promise physical gain neglects the depth suggested by its context. 

The preceding verses illustrate the parable of the sheep and their good shepherd, Jesus, who calls them by name. The sheep know the good shepherd’s voice and follow. Verse 10 contrasts Jesus with false shepherds who steal and kill and destroy. 

The abundance of life suggested here has to do with knowing and being known by Jesus, not material things. He does not offer them an extension of physical life nor an increase of material possessions, but the certainty, of a life lived as a higher level of obedience to God’s will and reflecting his glory.”

Amazing is the ego of the faith based believer that takes a verse out of context to adapt it to have meaning in their lives. This rings typical of any religious person. Its like they need the reassurance in something that they are unsure of doing and they can find many biblical verses to fit with damn near any life event or decision.

But the audacity to believe that just because of a delusional belief in a fictional character that you somehow deserve success more than I do. Its a thought like this that I will call you out on your bullshit EVERY time.

Leave a comment below and help change the way the world drinks beer!!

Separation of Church and Snake

Mack Wolford, one of the most famous Pentecostal serpent handlers in Appalachia, was laid to rest back in 2012 at a low-key service at his West Virginia church a week after succumbing to a snake bite that made headlines across the nation.

Several dozen family, friends and members of Wolford's House of the Lord Jesus church in tiny Matoaka filled the simple hall for the service, which lasted slightly more than an hour. At the request of pastor's widow, Fran Wolford, media were forbidden inside the building.

Wolford's own dad was a serpent handler who died from a snake bite in 1983 and in keeping with the family business, Mack Wolford, who was 44,  was bitten by his yellow timber rattlesnake at an evangelistic event in a state park about 80 miles west of Bluefield, in West Virginia’s isolated southern tip.

He enjoyed handling snakes during worship services, but it’s a tradition that has killed about 100 practitioners since it started in the east Tennessee hills in 1909.

Ya think? WTF is wrong with these people? These geniuses have NOT really progressed that far from our neanderthal ancestors.

The practice of snake handling and of drinking strychnine and other poisons, found in a few offshoots of Pentecostalism, find their Biblical support in the book of Mark.

"And these signs shall follow them that believe: In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues. They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."

Pentecostals who brandish poisonous snakes, drink strychnine and play with fire as a testimony of their faith. Each Labor Day weekend, the church has hosted a well-documented “homecoming” for snake handlers, who believe that Mark 16:17-18 mandates that true Christians “take up serpents and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick and they will recover.”

Wolford’s mission in life is to make sure that this custom, which he learned from his parents, survives for another generation. Let's see how that works out now that the crazy bastard is dead.

“Anybody can do it that believes it,” he says. “Jesus said, ‘These signs shall follow them which believe.’ This is a sign to show people that God has the power.”

I for one am in total support of the separation of church and snake, however it does provide some quality entertainment, ESPECIALLY when one of these jackasses get the bite.

Leave your messages below and have a drink.

Ouija Boards and Other Fun Stuff

In doing research for some upcoming shows, I have viewed countless video's and have read some crazy ass shit on how people feel about a toy. A fucking board game.

A board game that apparently can open portals to hell, which is rather convenient because I was looking for a new and interesting vacation spot and I LOATHE tourists. So hell seems like a fun place to me.

But I digress...

Every damn video that I viewed, every damn one of the articles that I have read, they ALL were reeking of bullshit. Demons have been summoned, dead people were contacted like the Ouija was some sort of heavenly phone system and angels cried. But these religious folks who swear that "people need to leave these things alone because they're dangerous," all have that same tearful story they share of their one horrifying lie about when they unintentionally summoned a demon.

I also came across some great material regarding snake handlers ALWAYS finding the ones where the snake bit the preacher particularly funny. In seeing this, my beliefs were confirmed about religion retards the common sense gene. You play with a dangerous, wild snake, it should not surprise you when you get bit. Us Atheist's have a word for people like you: Dumbfucks we call you.

But the scary thing about this is that having religious beliefs is the norm for the vast majority of people. Laws are created with religious beliefs in mind. People live their lives around the #1 fictional best seller of all time. Some kill either in the name of their God or believe that their God told them to.

Try as I might I cant see the attraction.

I prefer more of a reality based belief system. One based on facts...I'm funny that way. I like being able to explain things logically and intellectually. I find it unacceptable to believe in "God's will" that people starve and are miserable while others consume untold riches.

I DO try to respect the views of others and I know I should allow other to believe what the fuck they want but it get's increasingly difficult when I see planes flying into buildings and people killing their children in the name of God. (Or their interpretation of the word of God OR their mental delusions)

I dont see that as being something I can accept as a functioning human being.

So yeah these people are societal norms and I being an Atheist is looked at like there's something wrong with me. Like MY thought process is flawed. Maybe this is my I never really joined the cliques or jumped on the bandwagons, always swam against the flow, always questioning, always learning, moment.

Sorry, but I will continue to believe in NOT believing.

Leave your comments below.

Praise Hank

Praise Hank!

Secular Tv

This week Reverend Zesty will produce his very first video to be broadcast in the Secular Tv network. I am turning myself into the King Of All Social Media.

Here are some of my network mates:

Pastor Jay

The Rambling Tangent

Jenny's Jack Off Hour

Be sure to check us all out. But NEVER forget:

Stay tuned!

Snake Oil Salesmen

Step right up folks. Dont crowd, there's plenty to go around. This magic elixir cures all ailments from arthritis to yellow fever.

If you suffer from nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seborrhea, psoriasis, itching and chafing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, feline leukemia, athlete's foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving or sexual dysfunction  - you can be cured of all these and more. For only a paltry $9.99 per month you can enjoy the health of your youth...

Since jobs are scarce, people have been looking for alternatives to produce an income to support themselves and their family by enrolling in any of the countless home business opportunities that are spread like feces across the internet. Weight loss products, essential oils, vitamin supplements, exercise equipment, potions and lotions...they're all out there in one way, shape or manner. They all share one common denominator. They are all overpriced worthless garbage with the sole intent of only putting a few bucks in the distributors bank.

Now Im not saying that there are no legitimate work at home opportunities out there - there ARE - but the vast majority (98%) are worthless, useless, miserable, no good, no account, good for nothing meaningless crap.

So how does one find the REAL opportunities amongst the field of manure that inundates the internet and social media? They ALL make the same claims of seemingly overnight riches.

P.T. Barnum proclaimed that there was a sucker born every minute. If you are looking to work from home - which in and of itself boasts a large rate of failure for various reasons - and hear outlandish claims like "earn 21,057.63 by the end of the week with NO selling, NO recruiting, NO money to join, NO work involved..." or "make money while you sleep" avoid these "opportunities" like the fucking plague because you will be disappointed at the results you actually receive. MLM or Network Marketing is famous for this shit.

Caveat emptor. BUYER BEWARE! These offers are as abundant and just as fraudulent as chain letters or finding you have lineage ties to Nigerian royalty. 

So if you are seeking an alternative to a job to provide you an income, STAY TUNED because during the coming weeks I will be discussing what I have found to be legit money makers. Working from home has its many pro's and con's and the one that I particularly enjoy the most is the ability to write my own paycheck and the freedom to spend time with my family when I so choose.

Right now, check out affiliate marketing. Its not easy but nothing is at the beginning. If you are being told making money from home is initially easy, you are being lied to and scammed. Leave your comments below.